totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
