the new term for farting is butt boxing.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
