Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
