She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
being pregnant is like rehab
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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