Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
