Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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