omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
