ya dads aren't the best wingmen
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
