You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
