you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
