Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
