I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
