My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
