why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I believe in your delicious
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
