I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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