she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
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