she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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