On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Randomize
