I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
