You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
