It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
