That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Randomize
