she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
