I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
