So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Randomize
