I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
