Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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