I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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