Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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