So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
