It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
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