so explain again why im purple
no
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
