Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
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