bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
