I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
