she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
