cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
