I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
false alarm, still single
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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