so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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