We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
