Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
