I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
