He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
