....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
