I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
