That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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