Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
