At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
How many fucks given?
0.12846
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Randomize
