He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
