YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
