At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I'm bleeding and have questions
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
