She's JV to your varsity
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
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