Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
You were trust falling into bushes
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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