My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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