new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
