Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
