I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Randomize
