honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Everyone says I win the strip club
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
