Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
