I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
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