I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
