Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
