I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
