East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
