I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
