bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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