Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
My vagina just recognized that song.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
