First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
