I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
