Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize