Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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