I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I stole a fireplace last night.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
