craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
be right there i have to get my cape
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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