i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
