dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
