Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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