imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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