clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
