No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Randomize
