I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
