Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
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