dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Randomize