Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
