Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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