I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
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