Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
