Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Randomize
