had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Randomize
