so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
