when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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