As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
