He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
