It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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