He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
