i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize