Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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